Intimacy is about so much more than sex. It involves trust, respect, communication and commitment. These things don’t automatically fall into place just because you share yourself with someone physically. A healthy relationship involves,

• getting to know someone for who they are;
• finding out what they believe;
• learning what makes them laugh;
• discovering what’s important to them;
• caring about what happens to them.

Sex can distract you from getting to knowing someone and can put you both at risk.

OXYTOCIN is a bonding hormone our bodies release to create an emotional bond in relationships. It’s released in the highest concentrations during breastfeeding and childhood to bond mother and child. It is also released during consensual sex (where both people are willing). Oxytocin is NOT released when there are negative emotions present, as in cases of rape or sexual abuse.

If this emotional bond is formed in a temporary relationship, when that relationship breaks up, the bond breaks too. This is the reason for some of the hurt, confusion and anger that are felt when a sexual relationship ends.

These negative emotions may be present when any romantic relationship ends, even if it was not a sexual relationship. However, these feelings are magnified if the relationship did involve sex because of the Oxytocin bond.

If emotional bonds are formed and broken several times (which is often what is modeled in TV shows, movies, music and magazines), our bodies can have a difficult time bonding in the future, which can have negative consequences for a marriage.

Time for a change.